Where does my heart lie? (AKA Should I steal that trophy?)

Should I steal that trophy? It's on display at my new school, De La Salle Santiago Zobel School, in posh Ayala Alabang Village. It's not even protected in a glass case, since you can see that the container to its left is shorter than the requisite height to protect it.

Answer, of course, is NO. I'd never do something that heinous no matter where my loyalty lies. However, that question is a different matter.

To the unenlightened, I've been recently accepted to teach Computer Technology at DLSZ, the rival — among others — of my former school, the Ateneo de Manila High School. Their Computer Technology program is way more comprehensive than the simple program at the AHS, and I'm actually excited to exercise more creativity in teaching there. However, I was hesitant to raise my fist when people sang "The Alma Mater" last Friday's gathering of teachers, administrators, and personnel for the Institutional Recognition thing they had. Apparently, I may still have some part of me loyal to the blue and white.

The past week was particularly difficult to me. On the shuttle ride to the school, I found that I'm still thinking of my students from the Ateneo that have made a big part of me. It took a lot for me to hold it in when I was messaging a friend who was asking for help with a college class. I was apologizing for not being able to help out more, because I was already "brain dead" the previous night. I quickly erased those two words and thought back to Joey. What would Joey say of me now? What would Vince and Alvin be talking about high above when they learn that I'm teaching for the rival of the school they so loved. I remembered them and stories of them from then until this moment. What are they thinking now?

To this day, I still couldn't take it all in. De La Salle Santiago Zobel called first with the best offer that I could possibly take. Sure, I refused two other good offers that could even be considered better, but theirs was the most exciting for me at the time. I've now committed myself and there's no turning back. I've burned the bridge and I'm there to stay, if at least to find my place, see if it fits me, and most importantly if I could be the blessing there.

My final year at the AHS was the most difficult year in my life — ever. I've been talked about and I did some things that got me in hot water. I've said before that my personal mission statement was already written by the Ateneo de Manila High School even before we were introduced to each other. I've lived a big part of my personal and professional life in that school and I've left a big part of it there, too. There were just circumstances that were not to my approval or liking... and I had to protest in my own way. I guess that could happen anywhere I go, but I was too ideal. I failed my self... and in the process I failed my students and my family. For that I truly am sorry.

In no way is this move to a rival school a "screw you" to the system that took me in, took it all, then took me out. If I were after that, then I'd have taken a much better job offer that would have me up to become a supervisor in four years. The Ateneo and most its people, I still care for.

In due time, I might find myself raising my fist and pumping it when "The Alma Mater" is played. I may even sing it. That doesn't stop me from pumping the same fist for Mary.

My loyalty, now at least, lies not in institutions. My blood bleeds neither blue nor green. My love goes out neither to La Salle or Ateneo. My arms cheer not for Eagles nor Archers. My heart is with you, my friend.

I love you.